Lee Alison

A Little Bit of This And That

Published on May 16, 2021June 21, 2021 by Lee AlisonLeave a comment

Guess what?! I got an interview! I was so excited and kinda nervous at the same time. Well, I would say more joy than being anxious definitely. I feel like I am one step closer to my dream! 🙂

I was scrolling my mailbox the other day, and got this email notification an hour before I left for the day- saying I am scheduled for an interview next week ! I couldn’t believe it cause it came when I least expected it. It’s a long weekend this week due to Raya (Malay’s New Year). I am supposed to work on my assignment, ugh the 2500 words essay which I have long way to go. It’s the perfect timing to prepare my interview questions, I thought.

God knows best!

It has been a while since I did preparation for an interview. Did some research, relook at what I have done for the past few years, scribble and more scribble… I don’t wanna take things for granted, I am going big or going home, I told myself. Okay, let’s just say I am longing for this job opportunity for quite awhile, so I want to make it happen!

I penned down some Q&A, rehearsed them, and even asked my best friend for help! She was very helpful that she actually asked me to forward her my Q&A, so that she could give some comments. She reverted me close to 2am…. I did some changes right after I woke up today, before having breakfast, ha! Start rehearsing already…

I cooked over the weekends as Govt just announced a mini lockdown here in Singapore. No more dine-in, classes cancelled (my Cha Cha class 😦 ) etc. But oh well, since I am an introvert, just in time to finish few books that I bought earlier, I guess.

May is a busy month, I was busy helping my little brother with his job hunting. Asking around if there is any job opportunities, cause Covid-19 has been a bitch and many people out there have actually lost their jobs. I am grateful that I am still holding on (my job, a roof over head). Guided him to get some resume photoshoot, and tap on few job portals for more information. Whereas me, more on assignment and internal transfer preparation…

Anything worthwhile is never easy. Not to mention, I just rejected an offer from my ex team lead. He asked me if I would like to join his team again, grooming me to be his successor in office. He is one of the main reasons why I am working in banking sector. He is a daddy figure at work, used to, even though he is just 12 years older than myself. After much consideration, I turned it down. He respected my decision, understand I am working on my career goals too. I thanked him for taking me into consideration, and wish him all the best in finding suitable candidates.

Fast forward, it is coming to an end this week. I am so looking forward for the day I have my interview. I am no longer a newbie, all I need to do is to have faith in myself. I front executives in meetings and projects, I am prepared with those rehearsals. I know I can make it ! Let’s do this! Good luck, me! ✽

Mama

Published on May 9, 2021December 31, 2023 by Lee AlisonLeave a comment

Never stop believing, she said

Never settle for less, she said

Never chase after guys, she said

Strive for financial independence instead

Work hard for your passion instead

Love yourself more instead

She taught me girls are no less than boys. We can chase dreams, drive success and feel strong. To be a warrior instead of delicate princess. I am who I am today.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mothers in the world, and of course my Mama!

Knowing Your Value

Published on May 2, 2021February 6, 2024 by Lee AlisonLeave a comment

I used to be very responsive, easily upset when I got mistreated, being accused on things I have ever done. I felt like I need to explain. But as I grow up, I realize that it is unnecessary. Part of adulting journey, I guess. We learn, we do, we fail, we experience, and that’s how we shape confidence and build our value.

Little story of mine…

A year ago, I encountered someone with higher rank (let’s call her Ve) falsely accused me in a conference call with few executives in it. Ve said a lot, assumptions I would say, as if I never done my job properly. My boss was in the call, and texted me not to keep quiet if I have something to say. Then here come other department leads saying I am definitely not that kind of person as well as jobs done are as per standard operating procedure.

Management was convinced and they believe our functions are on track. Told us to keep up the good work. It’s more powerful when others were speaking on my behalf. For those who work with me often, they know my work. Not to mention, plenty of them are few ranks higher than myself.

Another time was when Ve passed message to my boss that I did not mean it. My boss checked with me separately, and asked if it is true. I showed her our conversations, not sure what Ve has misunderstood. My boss said there is no need to be upset as she believed me, she knew me.

There is always someone who is unkind to others. Slowly, I learn not to be reactive or rather responsive at every word. I learn to speak out only when necessary, when someone is stepping at your toes.

Never take things personally when something happened, or someone blurted nasty words. If the person likes you, you are right whatever you said; if the person hates you, you are wrong in every way you do.

Often, we spend time trying to convince and explain to those who never believed us in the first place. If you did something wrong, just admit, fix it, and move on. If someone insulted you, just laughed away. They don’t deserve your time.

We try, we fall, we learn. Always believe in yourself despite the whole world might not have faith in you. Ending the post with a quote.

A lion does not flinch at laughter coming from a hyena. A gorilla does not budge from a banana thrown at it by a monkey. A nightingale does not stop singing its beautiful song at the intrusion of an annoying woodpecker.
Suzy Kassem

Cheers to all of us who fight hard everyday, en route in achieving our dreams! Goodnight.

Unexpected Conversations with Gorgeous Souls

Published on April 24, 2021December 31, 2023 by Lee AlisonLeave a comment

I was in bad shape earlier despite trying to be okay, so He decided to send people to me. Few friends of mine were checking on me at the same time. I knew I was struggling but I thought well, time heals everything right. I lied to my parents I am doing fine at work, in life, with studies. White lies huh. I never wanted my parents to worry.

FRIEND ONE- J

J texted me another day when I was going for Cha Cha class. It has been a while since we last chatted, so he asked me how I have been lately. I am working hard in the day, catching up with assignments during weekends and back to my dance class recently, I said. He shared his new job in Grant Thornton, doing finance advisory consulting right now. Honestly, I couldn’t be happier for him when he told me the news. He was pursuing professional papers after quitting his job. I recalled when he told me he started dating a girl out of nowhere. I laughed on the inside. We talked about travelling again etc. I must say he is a pretty good tour guide. Had a pleasant experience when I was in UK. Told him few places that I would wish to go, and he did all the planning when I visited him few years back.

“Thanks for checking in because I would never take initiatives to check in or ask around despite I very much want to hear from you….” I mean it.

“Happy to do so! Really glad to hear you are doing well over there!” he reassured.

I must be someone he matters whom he wanted to share news with, I thought. Well, he doesn’t need to do it if he doesn’t feel like it right. But, I am glad he did. He is one of those friends whom I might not keep in contact often, but someone I really treasure a lot.

FRIEND TWO- V

All begins when I knew V was staying up late study for her actuarial paper. Told her to get some rest after revision. Brain works better if it gets its rest too, I said. She told me it is an open book test. We had couple of calls recently, sharing about our work. She is a smart girl, I never worried about her. Shared my blog with her about long distance friendships, dedicating to our friendships. Pretty much how I felt inside deeply but never be able to put them in words, verbally I mean. It is just physical distance, who cares. You are always in a special place deep down in heart, more precious than W (her boyfriend), she said. I burst out laughing. What I remember the most was when I told her I was in bad struggles earlier, and I felt like a loser.

“Hey, talk to me whenever you need to, okay. Just call me, I will be there for you.” She means it.

I felt so relieved when I knew I can lean on someone at times. Times when I feel vulnerable. She is one of those friends who work so hard that motivate you not to fall behind. She never take things for granted even though she is smart. She inspires me to be a better person myself.

She wrote me an e-book during last birthday. A book about me.

“I probably have not told you this, but one thing I want you to always know is you are always truthful to yourself and friends. Keep it up and there it molds the real you!”

To think again, I never asked her how she feels about me being in 13 years of friendships. It really caught me off guard when she told me how precious I am being her friend. Always a special place in her heart.

FRIEND THREE- Y

Let’s meet up, Y texted. I thought he wanna share about his new job or a catch up before he leaves his job. Sure, why not? Let’s call E (another friend) for dinner too, it has been awhile since we trio met up for dinners. We usually meet for karaoke other than meals. E couldn’t meet that day, so I suggested to postpone for other day.

“Actually I was worried about you. We can still have dinner without E if you are okay…” What did he know?

I stop sharing my blogs in social media ever since I shifted from Blogspot to WordPress. I used to share how I feel using words to the world; but now I just want to pen down my deepest thought writing out loud regardless. I used to write positive or neutral stuff. But hey, aren’t we human have both positive and negative moment at times too? So, I decided to start writing journals every week. Anything that happens around me, good or bad. I am glad I did.

Writing journals reflects my behaviors and thoughts when something happened.

“Hey, you know, I read your blogs. Hmm, I knew something happened, you can share if you want to….” he murmured.

I told him about it. I am quite open if you ask me, but I am definitely not someone who walks to people when I am suffering. Probably crying to sleep at most nights, then recover, that’s about it. We talked a lot, something he might not know or I might not be aware of… I love meaningful conversation.

I always ask people out to have fun, to gather. I never wanted people to see vulnerable side of me.

“You can ask me out if you want to, not necessary to share only happy stuff…”

I smiled.

Never had I thought that I actually mean so much to my friends, of course vice versa. We encourage each other during good times, have each other back during bad times. Despite being miles away, not keeping in touch often, I guess there’s some things never change.

What more could one ask for.

Long Distance Friendships

Published on April 16, 2021December 30, 2023 by Lee AlisonLeave a comment

Came across a question on school’s confession page where one posted:

“I’d like to ask if my life is normal. I have friends in school and work. During my school days or workdays, I talked with them, hanged out with them. But after I finish school, we don’t contact each other, not even once a month. Maybe a few times a year. I always feel that they are more friendly towards others than me by looking at how often they contact each other or their interactions online. Is a few times a year completely normal or do I have to give more time for my social life? How often do you contact with your friends and how are your feelings towards them?”

Having to live in Singapore for 10 years, that’s basically that many years I am having long distance with my best friends in home country. I left for further studies after high school. We don’t chat often, but we definitely meet up whenever I return. Endless conversation at restaurant. We make it a point to travel at least once a year. We kept the promise until last year, when Covid-19 hit.

I never felt awkward despite only meeting them few times a year. We treasure the moment together. They insisted to do the driving (I sucks at driving), to plan gatherings (BBQ or steamboat sessions). I love how we never lost connections since high school, but developing stronger bonds. We are young and work hard for our career. See them doing well in studies, relationships or career, it motivates me not to fall behind too.

Earlier days, I felt jealous whenever they were having fun with other friends. I thought I might lose myself over their new friends. I was wrong. I was naïve. The truth is, their friends heard about me a lot, despite never see me in person. Of course, it’s about good stuff ! *laugh

We are still close despite being thousand miles away. We encourage each other during struggles, not to give up in achieving our dreams. Checking in one another occasionally, seeking for advices at times, and sharing good news all the time! To me, true friends are those who never left you behind when you are in bad shape, love you when you forget to love yourself.

I never stop missing them and I always look forward the next time meeting them. We have priorities in life. Not keeping touch regularly does not mean that they are not important to me. I hope every time they see me, I am a better person myself. I want to look well in front of them, make them proud to have me as their best friend. It has been 440 days since I last saw them, I really hope this pandemic gonna end soon, life to be back to normal, so I can travel back to catch up with what we have missed in a year. I can’t wait till the day when I can meet them in person again!

The Second Child

Published on April 3, 2021April 16, 2021 by Lee AlisonLeave a comment

Many people might not know this, I am actually the middle child in my family. Growing up with a special needs elder brother (Gor), I don’t really get to enjoy the perks being a younger sibling. Being held with “big sister” duty to my little brother, parents used to have very high expectations… I kinda hate my life back then.

Why should I? Why do I need to do this? Often the questions I asked myself.

Doctors told us he can never talk, walk or take care of himself for the rest of his life. But silly me used to think what if there is a fairy godmother that can heal Gor, like how Cinderella turning into a Princess… What if one day he can walk and talk to me, telling me how much he adores me as his little sister too.

We never had any conversation, but we are very close. I hug him whenever I am back home, feed him so that he can have a taste of what we eating too, tell him I will be back soon whenever I leave for school or work. He smiles, he listens.

When I was little, I always told my friends I am the eldest in my family, with only one little brother, it’s because I didn’t know how to share Gor is actually a special needs child. What if they bash him, what if they ask a lot of questions. Kids.

My family hardly travels together especially overseas. Gor will be cranky seeing strangers, and he can’t travel far. We seldom eat in restaurants too or even weddings. Someone needs to stay home, mom said, as we can’t bare to leave him alone with the maid. He will be upset or worse, cry. He feels insecure whenever we leave home as if we gonna abandon him. I can never understand how scared he was, being not able to move around but seeing your family to leave you at home alone.

Getting older, I slowly understand how difficult as parents to be able to take care of such child. As a bedridden child, he has never gotten any infections, even doctors and nurses in hospital were impressed. Mum actually found out when she was pregnant. Being able to make the decision to deliver instead of baby abortion, God knows how fucking huge courage is needed.

Mum once told me, doctors actually encouraged her to deliver more babies so that in future younger siblings are able to take care of Gor and old folks (my parents). Here comes me! And of course my younger brother…

Recent years, my parents actually shared the reason why they had high expectations on me, not because I am being elder to my little brother… they see hope in me and hope I am independent and tough enough in future, able to take care of Gor when they are gone.

I cried inside of me.

It has been year and a half since Gor’s passing. My parents told me they feel relieved actually, knowing that Gor’s passed before them, knowing that he will be no longer in pain, knowing that he will not be a burden to us (me and my little brother) in future when they are gone. It has always been their concern that me and my little brother might not be able to take care of Gor like how my parents do. Feed him, bath him, take him to hospital, follow up with medical appointments, physiotherapy and many more. Especially when someday me and my little bro have our own family…

I am glad that my parents are picking up stuff they have missed during the days they took care of Gor. Dad retired last year, mum is enthusiastic over her Fengshui lessons and all. I am happy that they are happy, but I wish sometimes they have some attention on me too lol. They are busier than me sometimes, with all sorts of activities, hmm.

I don’t know about you, but I am feeling extremely proud of my parents to be able to overcome so much for many years. Kudos to my pillars of strength, quay to my boat! See you all soon folks (if you are reading this) I love you both more than you know !

Writing this specially dedicated to my old folks and Gor.

Expat Story: A Different Chinese New Year

Published on February 18, 2021January 14, 2024 by Lee AlisonLeave a comment

Marking one year not returning home aka first time celebrating Chinese New Year (CNY) overseas. No reunion dinner, no new clothes, no visitations… initially! To be honest, I had no plans on how am I gonna spend time during CNY since I am pretty stuck in Singapore, not able to go home for celebration. However, kudos to my cousins and friends, they actually made initiatives to meet up for lunches and dinners. For that, I am beyond grateful. Not to mention, one of my friends purposely drove me some cookies and tarts right before CNY. What have I done to deserve this! *Crying inside

Ended work prolly 3pm during eve, rushed home to change before eating out. Oriental restaurants in Singapore were either fully booked or mainly closed. We managed to have dinner in a German bar with delightful pork ribs and barramundi. Eating out in an occidental restaurant without parents during CNY eve indeed feels very different. We used to gather to cook and eat together for many years, so much laughter in the house. Sitting in the bus on the journey back home while thinking how others spending time with their families, I had never felt such empty in my life.

Video-called parents first thing in the morning after washed up during Chu Yi (1st day of CNY). Chit chatted quite a bit, as it was their very first time spending CNY without us (me and my brother). Was invited to one of my friend’s house for lunch. We did potluck. All of us are expats working in Singapore, despite meeting them the very first time, we got bonded quickly. We had fun playing board games and pokers. We stayed for the day, spending quality time with my friend’s aunt and herself. Feel so good to have such good host to cater us, feeding us with good food. We left for the day with stomach full of food.

Visited another friend’s house during Chu Er (2nd day of CNY). The husband and herself even prepped us lunch. She texted me few days beforehand, asking if I have any plans, otherwise I can pay them a visit and have lunch together! Got to meet a new friend, eating themed doughnuts, and of course having steamboat together. Left for dinner with le cousins thereafter. Made reservation a month ago, since social distancing required with limited slots in a restaurant. We managed to video-call our families in every corner of the world. We greeted and sent our regards before eating. Despite being thousand miles away, it’s nice seeing everyone enjoying themselves and in good shape. It was a decent dinner, having Lohei together, checking in to see how everyone is doing, especially during this pandemic.

Met secondary school friends on Chu San (3rd day of CNY) aka Valentine’s day! Glad to hear everyone is doing fine, with one of us just got married and had job change; another one got his PR status of late. It’s always good to hear good news as it somehow motivates me to work harder, in achieving my goals while my friends are working hard for theirs too! All of us have not been returning home for a year, and God knows when would be the next time we meeting our families…

Writing this to remind how blessed I am. Have been telling my parents that despite not able to return home, I am doing very fine with friends making me feel like home overseas. Handwritten letter, handmade cookies, visitations, red packets (it’s a blessing!), lunches and dinners, CNY goodies etc., it makes me feel like I am not alone overseas.

It is a very different Chinese New Year to most of us. Not able to travel home, seeing each other via Zoom calls, limited visitations and so. However, without my knowing, God actually sends more people to me. Look forward to the day I am able to do more for them, my turn to host them in future! Happy Niu Year all !