Finding Comfortable Shoes

Well, please don’t get confused or misunderstood. Obviously, it is not a blog teaching you tips on how to find a pair of comfortable shoes here. Pretty much just a metaphor.

Hmm how do I even begin. The more I grow, the more I put myself first before others. Putting yourself first is not selfish. When your needs are well taken care of, you can give genuinely, and without expectation, that’s what I thought. I actually learnt a lot during pandemic, for example, able to acknowledge, control and deal with my emotions. I find time to decompress and recharge. Be kind to myself, and celebrate tiny milestones!


Younger Self

We used to choose pretty shoes over comfortable ones. If they are cheap, we would buy them, and then continue to buy more. We don’t appreciate, prolly throw them away after worn only a few times. It doesn’t matter if they hurt us really bad, leaving us scars or blisters. If they are super fancy or branded ones, it doesn’t matter if we really suit them, so long we are able to show off our social status among friends, they are good enough.

Older Self

Now that we are more financially independent, regardless they are cheap or expensive ones, we only buy if they are comfortable. Why spending money on something that might hurt, leaving scars or blisters on our feet? The more we grow, the better we style ourselves. We prolly have found styles which suit ourselves, be it casual, minimalist etc. We feel good when we dress well, most importantly wearing something we are comfortable with.


When we were young, we sought to please people to adore us. We change ourselves so that we fit. Fit that friend, fit that circle. Otherwise, we are loser, we are not cool friends. Been there done that. Why making ourselves miserable when life is kinda rough already?

I stay away from the circle I do not belong. I focus more on myself, my career, ambition, mental health. Or rather continue to nourish those who stay, somewhere I have sense of belonging. Prolly we are already too busy with work, life, studies, we now put more effort into those who put effort into ourselves.

I learnt that people might walk away at certain point of our lives, prolly we are chasing different things, having different values, or priorities. Don’t chase people when they walk away. I believe God puts people in our lives for a reason, and removes them from our lives for a better person. But you should know that there is difference between being ignorant and having self love.


Just had a conversation with a friend today. She was too busy that she no longer groom herself.

“Beautify yourself! Put on some make up and go out!” we (me and another friend) said to her.

“I am not dating, hence no make up. And if I put on make up, people might think I am out of my mind!” she replied.

“Actually it will indirectly affect your mood. For instance, you will feel good when you look good, boosting your confidence. You should prioritize yourself over anybody else!” I told her.

Maturity is learning to walk away from people and situations that threaten your peace of mind, self-respect, values, morals or self worth.

I hope you found your pair of comfortable shoes too! 🙂

Love Yourself First before Falling in Love

Not falling in love yet… I am a total different person now, I feel. I am not afraid to voice out, take rejections and have more self awareness. I guess it was my damn ego last time. I now don’t put anything else before myself. I don’t want my relationship seem like a mission to complete due to reaching “age of marriage” already.

I am not looking for someone to accompany me cause I am single; some of my friends did. No comments, but I would rather stay alone. I would love to have someone that can have fun with as well as thrive for future together. Earlier, I met up with a friend, and found out he broke up with his girlfriend few months ago. From what I knew, they don’t fight, or argue. They kept feelings and never voiced out, maybe they thought it may affect their relationship, or they feel obliged to adjust to their partner. Later, the girl asked for a break up.

Communication is very important in a relationship, so that your partner knows your expectations and vice versa, even better if it is being communicated since beginning. Often, we wanted to build that ‘perfect image’ in front of our partner, being very accommodating even though at some point we might not feel comfortable about it. But, it is also important not to take things personally and always keep an open mind. We all have things we like and do not like. It would be good if we respect each others’ likings or hatred.

I think I am quite matured, so I really need someone who is on par or more mature than me. I ever doubted myself, thinking whether I am good enough. I was very unhappy, and I feel I am no longer myself anymore. Maybe I was too young, and not good in handling my emotions. But slowly, I learned that I am the one who takes charge of my emotions. Not anyone else.

I love how I am being appreciated and respected, for being able to voice out what I want or not want. I feel like everyone should have another part of his life instead of fully vested in relationship. I am not saying to have an affair. The 100% of us should comprise more than just being in relationship. Modern days now, even for women, it is important to have career to thrive, hobbies to enjoy, keeping up friendships and family matters to prioritize.

Side track a little. Tiny milestone to celebrate: I quit doing eyelashes extension, like finally! It was a thing where you don’t want to stop once you start doing it. I once thought I was not attractive enough, in need of that ABG look to boost confidence when I don’t put on make up. Slowly, I accepted who I am, and obviously I am happier now. I no longer worry that I am not able to meet my friends when I don’t have 13mm eyelashes on me.

Darn insecurities, bye!

Finally!

Kick start July with bunch of good news! And yes, I have been smiling a lot since day 1 of July hehe.

Finally, gotten both vaccine appointments. Have been spamming registration link for God knows how many times since March, as if I am snatching concert tickets online. I am little nervous mainly due to needle instead of possible side effects lol. Let’s see if I am fine tomorrow cause my appointment is scheduled later tonight.

Finally, gotten my salary increment. I told myself to be calm, not to have high hope or so, so that I won’t be upset just in case I didn’t get what I expect. But, it turned out to be better than what I thought especially in time of pandemic, in difficult times like this. For that, I am truly grateful.

Finally, my turn to bid farewell… soon. Counting down 5 more working days! Someone sends me flowers please haha! Few colleagues of mine just left continuously since 3 weeks ago. I am no longer feeling emotional, mainly I accept the fact that we are moving on for better places, better opportunities. Can’t wait to give out farewell gifts to my colleagues next week! I love giving out things, or buy people stuff, that’s why I love Christmas season so much. Choosing gifts, wrapping presents and writing messages!

Finally, got in contact with a friend from India whom I am very close with. A guy friend who reads my mind… I am not sure if he simply knows me well or pretty understand women haha! He has plenty of female cousins and all his siblings are girls too~ He gonna roll his eyeballs if he sees this haha! I ever called him a womanizer cause he is really popular among girls hmm. Though his advices can be brutally honest at times, but I guess that’s what one wishes for right- not being fluffed. Looking forward to meet him in person someday!

Finally! Finally! Finally! It’s the second half of the year, though it has not been smooth sailing since day 1 of 2021. I laughed a lot, cried a lot, and mostly grow a lot. I am a little proud of myself where I have been looking after my mental health since circuit breaker… It is very important I feel, and hope I could help others if I can…

Side track a little, my little brother just had his convocation online, graduated with honors. Very happy for him indeed, one more person to pamper me with all the good food etc. instead of me paying for his meals sometimes. He won’t be seeing my posts anyways. *evil grin* He has just gotten second interview from a listed company next week, let’s pray for him! You should see how happy were my parents few days ago! Even the youngest kid in da house is done with his tertiary education. Woohoo!

I gonna have one week break before start working again. Pretty excited cause I have planned plenty of activities for myself apart from studying, like staycation, volunteer work, Business French classes, blood donation (not sure if I still can after jabbing), change spectacles, clothes donation… Not to mention, I have 13 new books to read too. Let’s make this break a fruitful one! 🙂

2020 Reflections x 2021 Intentions

1.     What challenges did you face?
    –  Uncertainties, adjusting to new norm
 
2.      What lessons did you learn?
    –   Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice
 
3.     What do you want to remember?
     –  The year I had no idea when would be the next time I can meet my family and friends or travel. Never take things for granted 
 
4.     How did you grow?
    –  I learn to embrace when things might not turn out as planned
    –  I learn to accept flaws and not pushing hard on others and myself
    –  I learn to let go who no longer play important part in my life. 
 
5.    What do you want to celebrate?
    –  Thing that remains, friendships that stay
 
6.    What are you grateful for?
    –  A roof over my head
    –  I am loved
    –  I am alive
    –  A job that pays the bills
    –  Still chasing my dreams
 
7.    How did your heart break? How did your heart open?
    –  Screwed things up, and shut people off. Good thing about me when I hit rock bottom, I bury myself at work, and I will be fine eventually
    –  Knowing someone cares about me, constantly checking on me… For that, I am grateful. 

1.    How do you want to approach 2021?
    –  Remain fearless, stay calm for whatever happens. Not afraid in taking up risks, to stay focus for what I do
 
2.    How do you want to take care of yourself?
    –  To stay away from social media, unhealthy relationships & unnecessary conversations
 
3.    What qualities do you want to cultivate?
    –  Be present. Clarity
 
4.    How will you commit to yourself?
    –  Get honest with myself. Do something even if it is small
 
5.    What do you want to let go of?
    –  Dwelling on the past, worrying about future. Being a idealist.
 
6.    Where will you pour your attention?
    –  Mental health. Career. Education
 
7.    What habits or practices nourish you?
    –  Digital detox. Reflect. Journal/ blog