I was in kinda bad shape earlier despite trying hard to be okay, so He decided to send people to me. Few friends of mine were checking in on me at the same time. God knows why. I knew I was struggling but I thought well, time heals everything right. And I lied by telling my parents I am doing fine at work, in life, with studies. White lies huh. I never wanted my parents to worry about me. I was trying to cope, finding balance.
FRIEND ONE- JEREMY
J texted me another day when I was heading for Cha Cha class. It has been a while since we last chatted, so he asked me how have I been lately. I am working hard in the day, catching up with assignments during weekends and back to my dance class recently, I said. He shared his new job in Grant Thornton, doing finance advisory consulting right now. Honestly, I couldn’t be happier for him when he told me the news. He was pursuing professional papers after quitting his previous job. I never expected anything from him, especially after so long. I recalled when he told me he start dating a girl out of nowhere. I laughed on the inside. We talked about travelling again etc. I must say he is a pretty good tour guide. Had a pleasant experience when I was in UK. Told him few places that I would wish to go, and he did all the planning when I visited him few years back.
“Thanks for checking in because I would never take initiatives to check in or ask around despite I very much want to hear from you….” I mean it.
“Happy to do so! Really glad to hear you are doing well over there!” he reassured.
I must be someone he matters whom he wanted to share news with, I thought. Well, he doesn’t need to do it if he doesn’t feel like it right. But, I am glad he did. He is one of those friends whom I might not keep in contact often, but someone I really treasure a lot.
FRIEND TWO- VIVIAN
All begins when I knew V was staying up late to study for her actuarial paper the next day. Told her to get some rest after revision. Brain works better if it gets its rest too, I said. She told me it is an open book test. We had couple of calls recently, sharing about our work and concern. She is a smart girl, I never worried about her. Shared my blog with her about long distance friendships, dedicating to our friendships. Pretty much how I felt inside deeply but never be able to put them in words, verbally I mean. It is just physical distance, who cares. You are always in a special place deep down in heart, more precious than W (her boyfriend), she said. I burst out laughing. What I remember the most was when I told her I was in bad struggles earlier, and I felt like a loser.
“Hey, talk to me whenever you need to, okay. Just call me, I will be there for you.” She means it.
I felt so relieved when I knew I can lean on someone at times. Times when I feel vulnerable. Power of love I guess, love of friendships. She is one of those friends who works so hard that motivate you not to fall behind. She never take things for granted even though she is smart. She inspires me to be a better person myself.
She wrote me an e-book during last birthday. A book about me.
“I probably have not told you this, but one thing I want you to always know is you are always truthful to yourself and friends. Keep it up and there it molds the real you!”
To think again, I never asked her how she feels about me being in 13 years of friendships. It really caught me off guard when she told me how precious I am being her friend. Always a special place in her heart.
FRIEND THREE- YU
Let’s meet up, Y texted. I thought he wanna share about his new job or just a quick catch up before he leaves his current job. Sure, why not? Let’s call E (another friend) for dinner too, it has been awhile since we trio met up for dinners. We usually meet for karaoke other than meals. E couldn’t meet that day, so I suggested to postpone for other day.
“Actually I was worried about you. We can still have dinner without E if you are okay…” What did he know?
I stop sharing my blogs in social media ever since I change from using Blogspot to WordPress. I used to share how I feel using words to the world; but now I just want to pen down my deepest thought writing out loud regardless anyone would see it. I used to write positive or neutral stuff. But hey, aren’t we human have both positive and negative moment at times too? So, I decided to start writing journals every week. Anything that happens around me, good or bad. And I am glad I did.
Writing journals reflects my behaviors and thoughts when something happened.
“Hey, you know, I read your blogs. Hmm, I knew something happened, you can share if you want to….” he murmured.
I told him about it. I am quite open if you ask me, but I am definitely not someone who walks to people when I am suffering. Probably crying to sleep at most nights, then recover, that’s about it. We talked a lot, something he might not know or I might not be aware of… I love meaningful conversation.
I always ask people out to have fun, to gather with the condition of I am doing fine and emotionally stable. I never wanted people to see vulnerable side of me.
“You can ask me out if you want to, not necessary to share only happy stuff…”
Never had I thought that I actually mean so much to my friends, of course vice versa. We encourage each other during good times, have each other back during bad times. Despite being miles away, not keeping in touch often, I guess there’s some things never change.
What more could one ask for.