Are You Happy?

He ever said so long she (me) is happy… But, are you? I wanted to ask.

Never had I thought I could be someone source of happiness. Came home a week to spend time with family. Mom said I am one blessed girl, having so many people to love me. My dad remembers everything I said. He grants my wishes regardless big or small. Knowing my homecoming, le mom changed bedsheet and curtains, decorated my room with flowers and sprayed scents air freshener. My brother fetches me whenever I want.

Uncles know I love herbal soup, seafood and Hakka delicacies, so I had a table full of Hakka cuisine, crab feast and big bowl of soup all by myself. Aunts cooked me food, and I never starved. Grandma still fills my bowl with loads of vegetables. Grandpa asked me to come home often. I am the eldest at home, I often take charge and make decisions. However among elder cousins, I am still one little girl. Little cousins are now all grown up, they drive me around and take care of me.

Having to live overseas almost a decade, home is where family is. I really treasure the moment being together. My love language is indeed quality time. Spending 9 days with them feel like a dream. Time sure files, I am leaving for work soon. When was the last time you see your parents? Have they have more wrinkles? Do they walk slower now? Their simplest joy is when they see smile on our faces.

These days, I got to teach them new things, introduced cocktails, explored good food places etc. Despite turning 28 this year, they still nag me for being forgetful, they still cook me dishes upon request, they still drive me around (cause I rarely drive) etc. Really glad that I am very close to my family, especially parents. Once, my friend asked: who are you closer to, mom or dad? Both, I said!

I literally told my mom everything, even though we are many miles apart. She never missed any events happened in my life, and she remembers better than I do. I am my dad’s favorite, he claimed. He only listened to me when my mom can’t even. Guess I just know how to push the right button aye? It applies the same to my little brother. Hehe. 🙂

Often we thought we are alone, especially living overseas. We never wanted to worry our families, but I always remind myself I have loving family to back me up whenever I need. My dad was saying he is very happy to see us well now, but his heart aches whenever he sees us spending money on them (buy things, eat-out etc.). It is unnecessary, he said.

I reassured, saying that you (and mom) are my motivation to work hard. When we were young, you worked hard to feed us, give us the best education. I want to do the same. I work hard so that I am able to provide you better, bring you to experience, to explore. He then relieved. Though money is not everything, but it indeed provides us more options.

It’s okay to feel helpless, it’s okay to cry (we are all humans), more importantly, you should know that there is always someone love you more than you ever know. Don’t need to feel guilty or sorry, do it now before you know. Call whoever you miss, tell them how you feel. Often we are afraid how another party will react, but that’s your assumption. Communicate, not just talk.

Hope you are happy in whatever you do. Feeling a little emo right now *packing my luggage but I am looking forward to come home in July again hehe. Ciao~

The 5-Minute Journal #5

I am grateful for:

  • Finding out my stye early. I am on medical leave today
  • My colleagues checking in if I am doing okay
  • Able to visit temple for prayers after so many months
  • Spending time for studies, I have been havoc and meeting plenty of people recently
  • Having my favorite ramen craving fixed

Today’s affirmation:

  • Illness can be a blessing in disguise
  • Health always comes first
  • I have grown so much wow! I was clearing Google docs and came across my EQ report taken few years back. Glad that I have improved

Amazing things happened today:

  • Le cousins in UK are coming back in July, can’t wait to see them!
  • Avatar 2 is coming out on my birthday eve hehe
  • Packing for my homecoming trip shortly
  • Looking forward for le food trips coming week

The 5-Minute Journal #4

I am grateful for:

  • Be able to donate blood 3rd time in my life- I am healthy!
  • Able to return home soon- with my brother this time round
  • Being healthy- I used to have stomach discomfort quite often, just threw all the medicine cause I no longer need them

Today’s affirmation:

  • I am doing better than I thought, God has better plans for me 🙂
  • I have people loving, caring for me more than I thought
  • Self care is not selfish, it’s okay to prioritize myself

Amazing things happened today

  • I managed to do another difficult yoga pose today
  • Managed to eat dim sum today, I have been craving
  • Finally kick start last paper of the year, I can’t wait to get over it!
  • Scribble itinerary for my friend’s visit and Perth trip

Self Respect is Not Selfish

I was kinda pissed off at my friends lately. I feel like I was being taken for granted. In group setting, I am always the one who initiate gatherings. I wouldn’t mind doing it to be honest since I like planning, exploring nice food places and meeting people. Also, provided I am doing it willingly, not like it is my duty or something.

There would be long weekends during Labor’s Day & Hari Raya, so I suggested cycling activity or karaoke session. No one replied in the group chat, hence this idea kinda slipped my mind. Until one day, one of my friends asked if I have booked any karaoke places after seeing news that KTVs are resuming their businesses.

Was it my duty? The worse part that tickled my time bomb when he said I have no relationship commitment unlike others, hence I should do it. Tell me about it? I was so angry seeing the text. I tried to calm myself down but I made it clear that despite no relationship commitment, I have other things to prioritize in my life.

Another one was a gathering I initiated with my ex-colleagues. One of them delivered baby last year. However due to Covid, we keep delaying the visit until recently. We accommodated one’s schedule as he had plan over Easters weekends. But end up, he forgot and made other plans. He didn’t reschedule, so I proceed to visit my friend myself.

Not being ignorant here, just saying sometimes we need to prioritize ourselves, choose our happiness more than anything. I am done with all the initiations and rejections, and yet nobody appreciates it. Worse when it became something I should do. I shall stop being “that person”, but to focus on social circles that do 2 ways communications and effort.

Self respect is the greatest gift I can give to myself. I am not a freaking back up plan, and definitely not a second choice.

Good Friday Indeed

It’s a long weekend these weekends. Hence, my parents decided to come down for visit. It has been more than 2 years since they came down to Singapore. It was pretty spontaneous. Earlier, I was just casually asking my dad if they planned to visit us since border has been uplifted. And he reverted: yes we will be coming down next week!

He booked accommodation, submitted his pass for approval etc. Fast forward to Thursday, I went out for drinks. Revealed some not-so-secret secrets from my brother. I was not surprised, prolly due to society nowadays, it’s kinda common I guess. I am glad that I am a half glass full person. Somehow I overcome things easier than my friends, and even so, I am able to shower positive energy to the people whom I care.

Me and my brother fully paid for the trip expenses, something I am very proud of. I have been longing to offer this gesture. I brought them to places with legitimate food and services. My mom was happy to see her son after 2 years. I found my brother becoming more mature, he is more chivalry and patience now. Despite being his older sister, sometimes I feel like I am the younger one.

Visited Flower Dome & Cloud Forest. My mom loves flowers, hence it’s a right choice bringing them for the visit. Not to mention, it was pretty sunny and hot. So, it was wise to stay indoors surrounded by flora and fauna. Brought them for dinner in a German bar. Le brother did all the meat cutting which I am glad. I have no idea how to do it to begin with. We then chilled in the hotel for awhile before parents slept in.

Rebellious got us to sneak out for a late night movie. Fortunately, the nearest cinema theatre was just 3 mins away. Parents knocked us on the door at 8am next day when we were still in our bed. Freshen up ourselves, chatted a while while having breakfast before heading out for temple visit. I am glad that dad made such impulsive decision for driving many hours down to Singapore to see us, so that we are able to spend quality time together.

Parents left Singapore after we had Chinese cuisine for lunch in a mall. My dad even bought me some snacks that I casually mentioned before hehe. Went for facial before meeting up le friends at a well known Indian restaurant near Clarke Quay. Met a pretty cool new friend who works in cybersecurity field. He even introduced us a draft beer place for drinks. Though I don’t really fancy beer, I really had fun.

Pretty sum up my Good Friday which is indeed a good Friday. I must say time really flies with a blink of eye. It’s mid April and soon gonna be May. Lately, I found out I am a very bad texter, or rather I prefer face to face conversation. Sometimes I would just ghost people without my knowing, or I feel some texts don’t need my actions? I guess being someone whose love language is quality time, I just want to spend time with those I care.

My heart is full now.

Who Do You See Yourself Compare With

He asked: who do you see yourself compare with?

Myself, I said. Just saying everyone has their own path and I don’t wanna compare myself with anybody else. So long I am doing better than my old self.

This week I closed case- a group account that I couldn’t manage 5 months ago.

Yesterday I cycled 18KM bike ride that I couldn’t complete 6 months ago.

Today I managed to do a difficult yoga posture that I couldn’t make it 3 months ago.

There goes second quarter of year 2022. I think my progress has been satisfactory up to now. Scored merit for one of my certificates yesterday before went out for cycling. 2 more to go! Cannot wait for them to end already by end May!

Can I just say I feel much happier than previous year. Not sure why though, prolly I know myself better, I see things differently, and mostly I prioritize myself than anything else. This year is a good year, so I really want to make every moment worth it and memorable.

Recently, I got a lot of compliments that I am getting better and slimmer. Some said it is inspiring to see me for being who I want myself to be. It made me feel proud of myself. Guess we all just have to never stop dreaming and work for it! At least, I tried. No regrets.

My parents are coming down next week which I am glad. I have done all them itinerary. Can’t wait to bring them around, a place I called home for a decade. Looking forward the new week already! Not to mention, it is a 4 day work week woohoo!

3 Months Old Yogi Bear

This week marks my 3rd month being a yogi bear. Just in case you don’t know, a yogi is a practitioner of Yoga. I have been attending classes regularly since day 1 in 2022. Can I just say signing up this 2-year gym membership is one of my best investments thus far. I attend classes whenever I feel stress at work, most importantly for fitness purpose- physically and mentally.

Where do I begin, after changing team last year, I have been struggling to cope due to high volume of work. My senior left for project, restructuring exercise, workload pile over etc., last quarter of 2021 was insane. I left work 9-10 pm everyday, I was catching up on work while coaching newcomers. Thankfully our transportation expenses were fully subsidized. Despite ending work late, I took shorter time to reach home, or at least taking a little nap on my journey home.

I was so stress that I couldn’t sleep well for at least 2 weeks. As if the world is ending, never in my life I had insomnia for so long. I Googled, and also asked around to find alternatives for better sleep. My mind is like a gif with running horses whenever I closed my eyes. I never get to rest properly after hectic hours from work. Sometimes, I would feel a little breathless, not sure if my anxiety hit. That’s when I told myself, I need a change!

I had a long break in December as I was clearing annual leaves. Finally, I had some me time to do reflections. I don’t believe in working blindly. I mean without purpose. Every year I would have resolutions to work on, new goals to thrive, new things that I want to experience. Like bucket lists. I consider myself a goal-oriented person, hence ticking off bucket lists indeed give me satisfactions.

I dragged my brother to this gym after doing research. He is also a gym person, so I was thinking he can help out like asking questions in times of need. After some briefing and consultation, taking consideration it is a monthly unlimited pass, clean and solely female environment, location friendly etc., I committed. My brother was teasing me if I am able to stay determined in exercising. Proudly saying this, I stay committed!

Till date, I can’t say a con of exercising. I encourage my friends to work out especially now we are in our late twenties, our metabolism slow down. I can eat at peace without thinking I might gain weight, or feeling sinful. I work out 4-5 times weekly nowadays. You can say I am a maniac. I feel good when I look good. Not only that, my brain works better.

Starting my papers tomorrow, I have an online course to attend on coming Monday & Tuesday, following by 2 weeks later. I look forward to it! I managed to catch up on my work after coming back from Malaysia. I feel better to be able to travel and meet my family after 2 years. Oh, and I ate a lot too. Everyone was showering me love by cooking or sending me food hehe.

I am now back to the lively and cheerful me. I plan to go home prolly in mid year again as well as travelling to Australia to meet my best friend. Being LDR for 3 years, I missed her engagement stories, register of marriage, catching up on her marriage life. I have so much to tell her but I can’t keep up as I have many things to update. I miss our annual trip, can’t wait to meet her this year!

Writing this to celebrate my milestone. Went out with my brother yesterday, and we were taking pictures. The picture taken clearly showed I am the younger one instead. Guess exercising dedicatedly and feeling happy really help! Happy hormones indeed! I really love the current me whereby I am emotionally stable, I am able to give more. I am a giving person. I used to feel sad when I don’t receive the same favor. Earlier, I came across one article, for the fact that I am able to give, it is because I am an abundant person. I don’t need anyone to feel complete.

I hope I can remain the way I am, continue being a giving person without having any expectations. Guess I will be happier that way, whereby I can provide support, being a good listener, being a rock to someone whenever they need. I am a glass half-full person, I believe everything happens for a reason. To learn from experience, to shape a better me. I also trust that there will be a rainbow after rain. I want to continue stay young, and cheerful. Guess that’s my life goal!

So how are you feeling today?

Homebound’ 22

The day has finally arrived… after 2 years. From booking vaccinated travel lane (VTL) flight, applying leaves, scheduling appointment for PCR test etc., I am finally home! Did I cry for a moment? Let’s not state the obvious. My tears were rolling at the corner of my eye when plane took off.

Have been waiting this moment for the longest time since March 2020. It all started from Alpha, Beta and then Delta, and now Omicron… Multiple country lockdowns, case fluctuations, being anxious etc. . The past 2 years were tough for all of us, regardless physically & mentally. Though it was a short 15-day trip, it was very fruitful.

Got to spend precious moment with my family and friends. Being not able to see my paternal grandma and maternal grandpa for 2 years, they have more wrinkles, they walk slower than how they used to, they now only react to louder voices… I am glad I am still able to catch up what I have missed.

Surprised my grandma when she was watching television the other day, she couldn’t react when I called her, prolly it didn’t strike her mind that I will show up like that in one fine afternoon. She still asked if I am dating, prolly she wants to see me settle down when she is still around. She teased my dad for being old school, for not able to accept interracial relationship. She reassured me, so long I am happy, she is happy.

We also stayed overnight at my uncle’s place, we gathered around to listen how grandpa travelled to China when he was only 3 years old. He shared how lucky we are as third generation, not require to do labor intensive work when we were kids. My cousins are now grown up children who can drive their older sister (me) around exploring city for late supper. We are close as we mostly spent our childhood together.

Got to sing karaoke after 2 years, catch up with le secondary school friends, manage to eat food that I have been longing. Not to mention, my dad’s cooking skill has improved a lot indeed. He is like my genie as he never failed my food quest. So proud of him that he has leveled up during country lockdown. Now he can cook, bake, grill etc.

I am glad after 2 years not able to return home, nothing has changed. 🙂 Oh, I got to drive with my dad sitting beside me. I have not touched steering wheel since late 2019, it has been awhile. I am lucky to have my family and friends to fetch me around whenever I need. Definitely, one of the best days I had in these 2 years. Time to back to work, not to mention, I have 2 exams next month, but I have yet to start reading any materials.

I changed my return flight from VTL to non-VTL to extend my stay, hence I am serving a 7-day stay home quarantine at the moment. I managed to stay longer with family and friends, so I am not complaining at all. Plus, recent cases in Singapore has spiked in double, hence I am happy to stay home, avoiding meet ups and crowds with a legitimate reason for the time being.

Again, I am really thankful for having considerate colleagues, sufficient annual leaves, VTL arrangement, caring landlady, last but not least, my parents for this sweet homebound. Looking forward to meet them again, hopefully soon!

First Wedding Vow of the Year

It has been awhile since I attended a wedding. I supposed to attend 3 overseas weddings last year, but they got postponed due to Covid. Singapore has strict regulations to comply, so yeah my friend kept the attendees to very small group, which is less than 50. I was touched when I was being asked to attend, especially she capped to such small size.

I have not seen her for quite some time, mainly due to we have different priorities in life. I am so glad that she is doing well after so many years, and able to find someone to spend rest of her life with. He seems like a sweet man, someone that she can rely on, and she seems happy with him. For that, I am very happy for her!

See them reading wedding vows, made me feel like I want to get married too! Though I have no boyfriend… yet. To stick together regardless being sophisticated or not, healthy or not, happy or not. I have never felt so strong that it is great to have someone in life, to spend rest of my life with. Guess my instinct to love comes very very slow. Whoops. Prolly I was too engrossed in studies, work & social life earlier.

Now that, I am kinda settled in career, everything is in place… Guess it’s time to find someone to settle down. Hmm should I even pen this down. Well, why not since it should be part of a life plan to everyone no? I learnt that it is important to fork out time for your (potential) partner despite being busy at work, in life. So yeah, I really want to prioritize this piece, even though I might be tied down at times. Manage priorities I guess.

I have been meeting many people these days. I am not feeling desperate. Just saying, it is nice catching up with old friends, meeting new people. I told myself to keep an open mind, though I am picky in choosing partner, especially I never settled for less. And also, no “trying” a relationship. I feel it’s not fair to him, and somehow it might stop him from meeting someone that suits him.

Yup, there goes one of my new year resolutions this year! Hehe I am really looking forward to this piece. 🙂 Wish me luck~