First Wedding Vow of the Year

It has been awhile since I attended a wedding. I supposed to attend 3 overseas weddings last year, but they got postponed due to Covid. Singapore has strict regulations to comply, so yeah my friend kept the attendees to very small group, which is less than 50. I was touched when I was being asked to attend, especially she capped to such small size.

I have not seen her for quite some time, mainly due to we have different priorities in life. I am so glad that she is doing well after so many years, and able to find someone to spend rest of her life with. He seems like a sweet man, someone that she can rely on, and she seems happy with him. For that, I am very happy for her!

See them reading wedding vows, made me feel like I want to get married too! Though I have no boyfriend… yet. To stick together regardless being sophisticated or not, healthy or not, happy or not. I have never felt so strong that it is great to have someone in life, to spend rest of my life with. Guess my instinct in love comes very very slow. Whoops. Prolly I was too engrossed in studies, work & social life earlier.

Now that, I am kinda settled in career, everything is in place… Guess it’s time to find someone to settle down. Hmm should I even pen this down. Well, why not since it should be part of a life plan to everyone no? I learnt that it is important to fork out time for your (potential) partner despite being busy at work, in life. So yeah, I really want to prioritize this piece, even though I might be tied down at times. Manage priorities I guess.

I have been meeting many people these days. I am not feeling desperate. Just saying, it is nice catching up with old friends, meeting new people. I told myself to keep an open mind, though I am picky in choosing partner, especially I never settled for less. And also, no “trying” a relationship. I feel it’s not fair to him, and somehow it might stop him from meeting someone that suits him.

Yup, there goes one of my new year resolutions this year! Hehe I am really looking forward to this piece. 🙂 Wish me luck~

Often We Thought… We Assumed.

All along I know that communication plays vital part in life, regardless with family, at work or in relationships. But recently, I learn that consequences of good communication are indeed loud and impactful. Communication allows us to share feelings, connect and build trust, most importantly able to deliver messages we want to convey, not assumptions. Assumptions can be unfavorable at times as it is a willingness to accept something as true without question or proof. It can lead to unpleasant experience, with the thinking: “I thought…” “Maybe…” when another party have no intention on the messages he convey.

Hmm where do I start…

I was once very bad in communications. I assumed what another party is thinking and I don’t clarify, mainly I couldn’t take rejections. I will feel hurtful based on my assumptions. Eventually I became defensive. Also, I had poor listening skills, I tend to shut people off when I hear things I don’t want to hear. I never compromised, used to… Guess working in corporate world for plenty of years has really molded me to become a better person where I need to force myself to liaise with counterparties regardless making calls or blasting emails. There should be zero misunderstanding as it might affect relevant stakeholders especially working on projects. I am thankful for those opportunities given where I need to deal with management, external parties and fellow colleagues for the past few years.

Now I can better tweak my words though I might be quite assertive at times, but at least another party wouldn’t feel so pressurized. I will initiate talks so that both parties can speak up our minds to work for better outcome. I trust good process helps as much as best outcome matters. I believe in creating values, not only for clients, but also stakeholders. I am able to take rejections nowadays, and I wouldn’t take it personally like how I used to… I believe things happened for a reason and they will better improve me as a person in future. I am doing it for myself!

Recently, I learnt more about love language too. All along I know mine has been act of service and quality time. To me, for a person who works relentlessly with the bank (also due to my job scope), I value my time a lot, especially nowadays I end work late, I barely go out during weekdays. Occasionally, I would rather spend time at home than going out during weekends. Guess I just need some space to work on myself before another new week strikes again.

I was being asked if quality time means spending a lot of time together or going out a lot. To be honest, not really actually. I treasure meaningful meetings or intellectual conversation over high quantities of outings. A person who craves quality time actually has very little to do with the amount of time you are together. It’s also not based on activities. Quality time is about how you spend the time that you have together.

For people whose primary love language is quality time, we never lose sight of the fact that time is limited and tomorrow is not promised. Hence, we view time together as a priceless gift that we want to give and receive in relationships. To us, life is about being in the moment. When we are feeling insecure or going through a tough time, just show your care by simply being there and spending quality time together. Even though not all the discomfort will be taken away- nor should you be expected to- being able to demonstrate that you are present and available means a lot to us.

Guess communication would always be a lifelong learning lesson to us. Like my dad, he is a very reserved person, typical Asian dad I would say. He often makes decisions he thought would be beneficial to us (me and my bro), and he never shared reasons why. I mean as a parent, he doesn’t need to explain every single thing to us. Over the years, I learnt how to get him to talk more as we sometimes misunderstand his intentions, and he never bothered to explain.

I remember when Covid just started last year, I requested using public chopsticks when we were having dinner. He got so furious as if we are not close bonded, as if he will spread us the virus… Sooner, my mom got furious too, thinking he is being too sensitive. Knowing his concern, I spoke to him calmly: I work overseas where I travel a lot. To be honest, I would think I have more virus exposure than you spreading gems to me. I requested public chopsticks as I am concerned your wellbeing as much as myself. Hope you understand. Onwards, there will always be public chopsticks on dining table.

Even with family, a group of people living together for so many years, communication still plays important part.

Some tips for effective communications:

  1. Active listening- involves hearing and understanding what a person is saying to you.
  2. Be personable. Everyone is different, hence way of dealing might be different at times.
  3. Empathy- understand and share the feelings of another person.
  4. Always have an open mind. Don’t take things personally.
  5. Process your feelings. Avoid blurting hurtful words when you are angry.

Hope this helps as I find it very important! 🙂

Love Yourself First before Falling in Love

Not falling in love yet… I am a total different person now, I feel. I am not afraid to voice out, take rejections and have more self awareness. I guess it was my damn ego last time. I now don’t put anything else before myself. I don’t want my relationship seem like a mission to complete due to reaching “age of marriage” already.

I am not looking for someone to accompany me cause I am single; some of my friends did. No comments, but I would rather stay alone. I would love to have someone that can have fun with as well as thrive for future together. Earlier, I met up with a friend, and found out he broke up with his girlfriend few months ago. From what I knew, they don’t fight, or argue. They kept feelings and never voiced out, maybe they thought it may affect their relationship, or they feel obliged to adjust to their partner. Later, the girl asked for a break up.

Communication is very important in a relationship, so that your partner knows your expectations and vice versa, even better if it is being communicated since beginning. Often, we wanted to build that ‘perfect image’ in front of our partner, being very accommodating even though at some point we might not feel comfortable about it. But, it is also important not to take things personally and always keep an open mind. We all have things we like and do not like. It would be good if we respect each others’ likings or hatred.

I think I am quite matured, so I really need someone who is on par or more mature than me. I ever doubted myself, thinking whether I am good enough. I was very unhappy, and I feel I am no longer myself anymore. Maybe I was too young, and not good in handling my emotions. But slowly, I learned that I am the one who takes charge of my emotions. Not anyone else.

I love how I am being appreciated and respected, for being able to voice out what I want or not want. I feel like everyone should have another part of his life instead of fully vested in relationship. I am not saying to have an affair. The 100% of us should comprise more than just being in relationship. Modern days now, even for women, it is important to have career to thrive, hobbies to enjoy, keeping up friendships and family matters to prioritize.

Side track a little. Tiny milestone to celebrate: I quit doing eyelashes extension, like finally! It was a thing where you don’t want to stop once you start doing it. I once thought I was not attractive enough, in need of that ABG look to boost confidence when I don’t put on make up. Slowly, I accepted who I am, and obviously I am happier now. I no longer worry that I am not able to meet my friends when I don’t have 13mm eyelashes on me.

Darn insecurities, bye!