Felt like I was on a rollercoaster ride yesterday.
Glad to have received a message after few years to a moment of shock. Flashbacks from a decade ago kept resurfacing. We came a long way, from strangers to close friends, however, due to miscommunication and we never got the chance to clear up. Hope you are in a better place now, may we continue our journey next life. 🤍
Ending the post with your quote:
No one gets left behind, be it in school or in life.
Rest in peace, Xuan.
I have officially moved on to new team on 1 Feb, felt like a newbie at work. Not knowing what to expect or so… My ex-teammates are no longer same floor as me, so I am all alone at level 46. Some part of me wished I can follow them, some part of me knew that’s not what I want. I know I gonna learn a lot in new team. It has the biggest portfolios after all.
I am the only person whom my boss brought over. Wow! That’s what people thought too. One part of me is glad as I don’t need to adapt new boss; another part of me kinda loss sense of belongings. Sounds exaggerating huh. Didn’t know it will hit me like this, I think I am more affected leaving my team than joining the new team. My ex-team disbanded.
I posted on IG, asking: “Everything will fall into place right?”
Friend XZ:
Texted me asking why am I feeling emo? I told her re-org happened, and my whole team is gone. My boss brought me over but I feel like losing sense of belongings, so I cried. I was consoling my colleague the other day, we are still in the same bank, we could meet for lunches, but there goes me crying at home lol. XZ reminded me nothing is forever at workplace. Checking in if I will be going home soon, to ensure I am not alone during CNY. I like how she appeared when I need someone.
Friend Je:
Asked me if I am feeling okay and what happened? Hmm some work matter, and I am still coping… 2nd day with the new team. He reassured me saying: everything will be okay! Sometimes life pulls you back a little so you can go further just like an arrow on a bow! That’s my favorite quote! I thanked him for bringing this up to my eyes again. He should know it means a lot to me. He added, I should be proud of myself that I am constantly pushing my limits, cause he is very proud of me!
Friend Cal:
She replied to my story: absolutely yes! Sometimes we need to fake positivity to stay positive. Thank you for reassuring it when I am not able to stand firm on what I believe in.
Friend Jo:
Are you okay? To be honest, I don’t want to fake it up, I came from a team of 8 to me, alone now. Today finally hit me and I break down crying. Hang in there, feel free to meet up if you need, she said. Nah, I don’t feel like talking, I am heading home in few days’ time, I will be fine. I might feel better if we could proceed our Korea hotel booking. We settled everything in 2 hours. The apartment that I wanted was reserved by someone else. Nonetheless, I am pretty satisfied with our final choices. Everything happened for a reason huh.
Friend Zay:
Hey, you wanna come out and talk about it? It’s okay babe, I don’t feel like meeting anyone now. I am here if you need someone to talk to, he said. I know he will.
In times like this, I feel really blessed. I have friends that console, reassure and provide me comfort, especially those who gave me words of wisdom. I hate holding negative energy, I will do whatever to churn it away. Work maybe, or some readings. Still have a lot of things to learn, work to catch up. Not to mention, I will be on long leaves during CNY, meaning to say I needa clear tasks on hand in advance. Hmm, sound occupied already. I should get some rest these days and clear my work whenever possible. That sounds like a plan!
What are your favorite memories of the entire trip?
Something to look forward to after the trip:
Some lessons learnt:
I was in bad shape earlier despite trying to be okay, so He decided to send people to me. Few friends of mine were checking on me at the same time. I knew I was struggling but I thought well, time heals everything right. I lied to my parents I am doing fine at work, in life, with studies. White lies huh. I never wanted my parents to worry.
FRIEND ONE- J
J texted me another day when I was going for Cha Cha class. It has been a while since we last chatted, so he asked me how I have been lately. I am working hard in the day, catching up with assignments during weekends and back to my dance class recently, I said. He shared his new job in Grant Thornton, doing finance advisory consulting right now. Honestly, I couldn’t be happier for him when he told me the news. He was pursuing professional papers after quitting his job. I recalled when he told me he started dating a girl out of nowhere. I laughed on the inside. We talked about travelling again etc. I must say he is a pretty good tour guide. Had a pleasant experience when I was in UK. Told him few places that I would wish to go, and he did all the planning when I visited him few years back.
“Thanks for checking in because I would never take initiatives to check in or ask around despite I very much want to hear from you….” I mean it.
“Happy to do so! Really glad to hear you are doing well over there!” he reassured.
I must be someone he matters whom he wanted to share news with, I thought. Well, he doesn’t need to do it if he doesn’t feel like it right. But, I am glad he did. He is one of those friends whom I might not keep in contact often, but someone I really treasure a lot.
FRIEND TWO- V
All begins when I knew V was staying up late study for her actuarial paper. Told her to get some rest after revision. Brain works better if it gets its rest too, I said. She told me it is an open book test. We had couple of calls recently, sharing about our work. She is a smart girl, I never worried about her. Shared my blog with her about long distance friendships, dedicating to our friendships. Pretty much how I felt inside deeply but never be able to put them in words, verbally I mean. It is just physical distance, who cares. You are always in a special place deep down in heart, more precious than W (her boyfriend), she said. I burst out laughing. What I remember the most was when I told her I was in bad struggles earlier, and I felt like a loser.
“Hey, talk to me whenever you need to, okay. Just call me, I will be there for you.” She means it.
I felt so relieved when I knew I can lean on someone at times. Times when I feel vulnerable. She is one of those friends who work so hard that motivate you not to fall behind. She never take things for granted even though she is smart. She inspires me to be a better person myself.
She wrote me an e-book during last birthday. A book about me.
“I probably have not told you this, but one thing I want you to always know is you are always truthful to yourself and friends. Keep it up and there it molds the real you!”
To think again, I never asked her how she feels about me being in 13 years of friendships. It really caught me off guard when she told me how precious I am being her friend. Always a special place in her heart.
FRIEND THREE- Y
Let’s meet up, Y texted. I thought he wanna share about his new job or a catch up before he leaves his job. Sure, why not? Let’s call E (another friend) for dinner too, it has been awhile since we trio met up for dinners. We usually meet for karaoke other than meals. E couldn’t meet that day, so I suggested to postpone for other day.
“Actually I was worried about you. We can still have dinner without E if you are okay…” What did he know?
I stop sharing my blogs in social media ever since I shifted from Blogspot to WordPress. I used to share how I feel using words to the world; but now I just want to pen down my deepest thought writing out loud regardless. I used to write positive or neutral stuff. But hey, aren’t we human have both positive and negative moment at times too? So, I decided to start writing journals every week. Anything that happens around me, good or bad. I am glad I did.
Writing journals reflects my behaviors and thoughts when something happened.
“Hey, you know, I read your blogs. Hmm, I knew something happened, you can share if you want to….” he murmured.
I told him about it. I am quite open if you ask me, but I am definitely not someone who walks to people when I am suffering. Probably crying to sleep at most nights, then recover, that’s about it. We talked a lot, something he might not know or I might not be aware of… I love meaningful conversation.
I always ask people out to have fun, to gather. I never wanted people to see vulnerable side of me.
“You can ask me out if you want to, not necessary to share only happy stuff…”
I smiled.
Never had I thought that I actually mean so much to my friends, of course vice versa. We encourage each other during good times, have each other back during bad times. Despite being miles away, not keeping in touch often, I guess there’s some things never change.
What more could one ask for.
Came across a question on school’s confession page where one posted:
“I’d like to ask if my life is normal. I have friends in school and work. During my school days or workdays, I talked with them, hanged out with them. But after I finish school, we don’t contact each other, not even once a month. Maybe a few times a year. I always feel that they are more friendly towards others than me by looking at how often they contact each other or their interactions online. Is a few times a year completely normal or do I have to give more time for my social life? How often do you contact with your friends and how are your feelings towards them?”
Having to live in Singapore for 10 years, that’s basically that many years I am having long distance with my best friends in home country. I left for further studies after high school. We don’t chat often, but we definitely meet up whenever I return. Endless conversation at restaurant. We make it a point to travel at least once a year. We kept the promise until last year, when Covid-19 hit.
I never felt awkward despite only meeting them few times a year. We treasure the moment together. They insisted to do the driving (I sucks at driving), to plan gatherings (BBQ or steamboat sessions). I love how we never lost connections since high school, but developing stronger bonds. We are young and work hard for our career. See them doing well in studies, relationships or career, it motivates me not to fall behind too.
Earlier days, I felt jealous whenever they were having fun with other friends. I thought I might lose myself over their new friends. I was wrong. I was naïve. The truth is, their friends heard about me a lot, despite never see me in person. Of course, it’s about good stuff ! *laugh
We are still close despite being thousand miles away. We encourage each other during struggles, not to give up in achieving our dreams. Checking in one another occasionally, seeking for advices at times, and sharing good news all the time! To me, true friends are those who never left you behind when you are in bad shape, love you when you forget to love yourself.
I never stop missing them and I always look forward the next time meeting them. We have priorities in life. Not keeping touch regularly does not mean that they are not important to me. I hope every time they see me, I am a better person myself. I want to look well in front of them, make them proud to have me as their best friend. It has been 440 days since I last saw them, I really hope this pandemic gonna end soon, life to be back to normal, so I can travel back to catch up with what we have missed in a year. I can’t wait till the day when I can meet them in person again!
Live. Laugh. Love.