I was kinda pissed off at my friends lately. I feel like I was being taken for granted. In group setting, I am always the one who initiate gatherings. I wouldn’t mind doing it to be honest since I like planning, exploring nice food places and meeting people. Also, provided I am doing it willingly, not like it is my duty or something.
There would be long weekends during Labor’s Day & Hari Raya, so I suggested cycling activity or karaoke session. No one replied in the group chat, hence this idea kinda slipped my mind. Until one day, one of my friends asked if I have booked any karaoke places after seeing news that KTVs are resuming their businesses.
Was it my duty? The worse part that tickled my time bomb when he said I have no relationship commitment unlike others, hence I should do it. Tell me about it? I was so angry seeing the text. I tried to calm myself down but I made it clear that despite no relationship commitment, I have other things to prioritize in my life.
Another one was a gathering I initiated with my ex-colleagues. One of them delivered baby last year. However due to Covid, we keep delaying the visit until recently. We accommodated one’s schedule as he had plan over Easters weekends. But end up, he forgot and made other plans. He didn’t reschedule, so I proceed to visit my friend myself.
Not being ignorant here, just saying sometimes we need to prioritize ourselves, choose our happiness more than anything. I am done with all the initiations and rejections, and yet nobody appreciates it. Worse when it became something I should do. I shall stop being “that person”, but to focus on social circles that do 2 ways communications and effort.
Self respect is the greatest gift I can give to myself. I am not a freaking back up plan, and definitely not a second choice.